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2007 Chevrolet Tahoe: America, Hell Yeah!
By Guest Reviewer Cletus Johnson
Don't let all them doom-andgloom
types in the media
change your opinion—
America still kicks ass, and
General Motors is leading
the way. Those commie-pinkos might have you
worrying about UAW pensions, but they haven't
driven the 2007 Chevrolet Tahoe.
You see, just because the Tahoe's already a
bestseller doesn't mean Chevy's rested on its
laurels. In this new era you can't just wait for
things to happen and then react to them, you got to
be proactive. And just like our armed forces, the
Tahoe's got its own DoD, only here it means
Displacement on Demand, and it shuts down four
of the cylinders in the new 320-hp, 5.3-liter V-8
when you don't need 'em. And this engine is
smooth, man, on account of the fluid-filled engine
mounts and the flexible exhaust connection that
keeps the motor isolated.
The new Tahoe is deluxe, too, especially the top-of-
the-line, wood-grained, DVD-navigation-equipped LTZ model. Some might say the interior's
on par with Lexus, but if you did I'd just roll up the
window and not listen to you because the Tahoe is
that quiet. Other freedom-haters might say that the
third-row seat is hard to get into and
it's not too comfortable, but when I
hear that I just want to slap 'em. That
place is for kids! What kind of self-respecting
man would relegate
himself to the way back? Anyway,
the second row is the party zone,
with its heated seats and DVD entertainment
system.
Now, certain people have been
talking up the death of the SUV with
the rising price of gas, but sometimes
space and convenience are more
important than the wallet. Besides,
the Tahoe's got class-leading fuel
economy of 15/21 mpg. And when
you've got to do some hauling, the
Tahoe is as versatile as the Joint Strike
Fighter. If you fold down the third-row seats you have
room for, like, two or three large bags. You can also
take those seats out—they only weigh about 50
pounds each. Need more space? Just push a button
and POW!—the second-row seats fold
all by themselves.
Where you really want to be, though,
is in the driver's seat. The Tahoe's got
all-new rack-and-pinion steering,
which means no more of that vague
feeling in the wheel when you're goin'
straight. The steering wheel's not
centered on the instrument cluster,
kind of like my nephew with the lazy
eye, but I tell you, man, that steering is
as sharp as the dot on a laser scope.
And as for those trucks from Japan,
well that Toyota Sequoia's just a little
sissified if you ask me, and that Nissan
Armada's got cheaper plastic than a
Happy Meal toy, even if it is built in
Mississippi. So guess what? America
wins again, 'cause we're the best
country and we make the best damn
trucks in the world! And by that I mean
Chevy trucks and the Chevy Tahoe. If
you're a Ford man I won't hate you or
nothin', but you won't be dating my
daughter, that's for damn sure.
From the March issue of mph
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